Sunday, June 25, 2006

Love and the Horsemen: BB5

There is no explaining season five of Big Brother. The major CBS Theme Twist, "Project DNA," was lame. The twins part was interesting, but informing Cowboy and Nakomis that they were brother and sister was just plain cruel and cringe-worthy.

BB5 probably offered the most bizarre collection of characters in any season. Marvelous Mf'n Marv was quotable on the chat boards, but his diary rooms were apparently unusable on TV because of all the profanity. No doubt he would have loved to get with any of the young ladies in the house, but his stinky feet and foul mouth prevented him from scoring. Krazy Karen was an artist who inexplicably wasted her talents on Yankees memorabilia.

This was the season of pinky swears, bible reading, twinglish and metrosexuals. Never before was there so much primping in front of the mirror, and the main culprits were the Three Horsemen and an Ottman (hat tip: Marcellas). Drew, Scott & Jase were beautiful guys who knew it. Internet fans knew more than they ever wanted to about Scott before the show began when pictures of him and his No. 2 pencil made the rounds. BB feedsters saw more of Cowboy than they ever wanted to, although there was apparently not much to see, let alone hang a hat on. Jase was a struggling actor who played the crazy role. He hooked up with Holly, and wasted precious game time snuggling with her and engaging in bathtub foot worship. His devotion to Holly quickly cost her the game as her Cheez-It was moved off the board, and Jase himself was eventually maneuvered out the door.

Drew and Diane provided night owl feedsters with plenty of entertainment, and their every undercover move was chronicled nightly. It's hard to tell if Drew really had a strategy, but riding Diane's coattails and stabbing her in the back won him the grand prize. Another in-house relationship bites the dust.

Possibly the strangest thing this season was the Brokeback Brother phenomenon of the guys bathing together. Jase's naked fruit diving was not only gross, it clogged the tub and the producers put a stop to it.

BB5 may not be considered the best season, but there is not doubt it was the kinkiest.


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